I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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