i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
