All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
