that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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