i need an iv and a liver transplant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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