There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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