Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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