The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
