i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
