I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
