mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
COCAINE IS GR8
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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