Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
