4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
