I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
