respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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