Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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