my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
