you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
