made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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