Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
