she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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