He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
