oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
