is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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