I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
