It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
