you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
