I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
