like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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