she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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