69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
