the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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