I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
