Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
