so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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