We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
