is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
