If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
