So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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