It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
