sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
