Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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