I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
