If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
