Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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