I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
