u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
