"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
nutella sex= disaster
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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