Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
