so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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