can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
