so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
